Tuesday, November 19, 2013

A Retrospective of Second Wedding Anniversary: Marriage Advice that I Will Do Properly

In the end, marriage isn't about Happily ever after. It's about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. -- Gerald Rogers 

I like to reflect and to retrospect. I do a self retrospection again like I did last year. To reflect can be defined as think deeply or carefully about something relate to our self. To retrospect can be define as survey or review of a past course of events or period of time.The main aim of either reflect and retrospect are to do self evaluation so that if there are something that can be improved we can do so. To reflect is like seeing our self in mirror. We will never realize how we looks until seeing our self. Perhaps somebody can remind us but most of the time we are tend not believe until can see the proof by standing in front of mirror. Are we looking good? Are we can tidying our self to be better? To retrospect is like to turn around our head to see what we have passed behind. Today I would like to retrospect and to reflect about my marriage in its second year.

In Islamic believe, there are three things that decided absolutely by God. Birth, dead and who will be our spouse. First, we can not decide when we will got birth and who will be our parents. Second, we also never know when we will died. The obvious thing is died will definitely come but the time is indefinite, could be soon or later. Third, whom will be our spouse also cannot be choose exactly. She or he could be some of our friends, or maybe our neighbor, or perhaps our work colleague or could be someone who just come to our life suddenly. The last one is our case.

Like quite often I shared, how I met my wife at first time was very unusual. I first met her in scholarship selection. Before that actually I was introduced indirectly by one of my fried that at the same time also friend of my wife. Within 5 months from that meeting we got married. It felt like just yesterday but actually we have been fast-forwarded for two years.

My Favorite Perfume

Wedding Anniversary Card
Like her usual hoby, wifey (the way I call my wife) sent me a present yesterday after a few weeks ago she sent me beautiful letter. Wifey also sent me beautiful marriage advice from Gerald Rogers that went viral earlier this year. The original title of his advice was Marriage Advice I Wish I Would Have Had. Gerald advice is an irony, because he has divorced, and the advice is his self reflection and self retrospect that we can learn from. Since his website is detected has some mallware by my google chrome, I will just rewrite points of those advice here:

  1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted.
  3. FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again.
  4. ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her.
  5. IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing.
  6. TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad.
  7. NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU.
  8. Allow your woman to JUST BE.
  9. BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.
  10. FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED.
  12. BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul.
  19. FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past.
Of course, absolutely I won't follow Gerald Rogers trail but most of his advice is very make sense.

Our First Honeymoon in Malang, East Java
In return of wifey's gift and love letter, I sent a love email to her this morning. I just would like to share it here hopefully can give remind us later in future about our own reflection and retrospection. Where was we, where will go and how to go there.


Dear Wifey,

Our Second Honeymoon, ready to fly from Bali to Lombok
It has been two years isn't it? Also, Like I often said Time flies isn't it?  I remember almost all details since the first time we met, to the time we felt click, to the time we got married, to the time we were mostly separated, to the time we could live together like common couple for a while, to the time of today when I write this letter.

It was still quite clear in my mind, the first day we met, when unluckily you sit beside me :p. The destiny will be totally different if you were sitting at different spot. We were talking so much in the middle of test. I didn't wanted to waste a chance, I found a way to got your phone number before leaving that day. The destiny might be different if I didn't successfully got your phone number. And then you also remember the story after that, don't you? Watch movie, some dinners and dates, hanging out to mall, etc.

Short Trip to Melaka
Birth, died and mate are God area. He decide all those stuffs. I was wonder at beginning, how God can find a match of one man to another woman. Does he use some kind of transcendent algorithm? The way we met and then live together and hopefully forever, always make me wonder. How lucky I am to have you at the end.

You are almost perfect from all side, that can complement so many deficiencies that I have. Joy, comfort, sense fulfillment are all the feelings that I have since we are together. If sometime I behave strange, like so easy to get emotional, those are not because something wrong from your side but totally more to my own mistake that could not be more patient and could not be more gentle to treat you. However, I am always learning to be a better person.

So let's talk about some mission statement. Firstly I want we can partner together to build our dream marriage. With a joy, laugh and comfort that never last forever. I don't want to learn that by going through bad way such your story below. How hard the challenges that might come in front of us, I always wanted to stay beside you and hold your hand firmly. Second, I want we can be together to build a strong generation in very nice family. To have smart and wise children that love the learn, full of care and have big dreams. Third, I want we to be more settled. To have a nice home anywhere or some houses in some beautiful places with some of our dreams vehicles inside garages. A wise man said, don't put dunia (material world) in your heart but grab it in your hands. Fourth, always have a great adventures ahead. Fifth, please help me to add.

On Our Way to Bukittinggi, West Sumatera
Dear wifey thank you to be with me for this 2 years. I hope you don't mind to spent the rest of our life together. Thank you for continuesly giving surprises and presents. Those are important but still, you are the most important one.

Happy 2 years anniversary. I always love you.

PS: I love you

Marriage is a moment when there is no one wearing mask and present truly them self. Two years is even still not enough to really know and to really understand each other. However she always better than me, knowing and understanding me much more even than myself, caring me so much like make sure I am not hungry even when she is hungry, make sure I sleep well even when she not sleep well, often give me a surprise and gift even when I rarely did the same. Happy 2nd wedding anniversary to my lovely wifey. Thank you very much for limitless love, joy and comfort that you bring since I pledged to be your forever love partner. PS: I love you -- Jon Kartago Lamida

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